A Vacation Disguised as a House Sit

   Back on the road again, we are, although it's a relatively short jaunt compared to much of our travels. This week we've been in the delightful town of Hawkesbury, ON, located on the Ottawa River midway between Ottawa and Montreal.

  Although we're located in Ontario we are, quite literally, surrounded by French-speaking people. Across the river is Quebec. Twenty kilometers southeast along the road to Montreal is the Quebec border. Almost all the businesses here have signs in French. Street signs are bilingual with French always first. We could be in Quebec but we're not. Ontario seems to bend over backwards to demonstrate there are two official languages. And that, my friends, raises an interesting point.

  In Quebec, the provincial (or national, as they prefer) government has mandated all signs are to be in French only. English is verboten. If you want to speak to a government employee for any reason you must do so in French. Only. Foreign students wanting to study in Quebec must demonstrate proficiency in French. There are exceptions for indigenous people and new immigrants who have been there up to six months. For a country having two official languages this seems, not only draconian, but illegal.

  Of course, in order to get Quebec to sign onto the Constitution forty years ago the "notwithstanding" clause was added and that makes it all ok. Just not for us. We don't like feeling unwelcome in our own country, as we noted back when we traveled through Quebec to get to Nova Scotia, so we'll keep our tourist dollars to ourselves, thank you. And that's all I have to say about that.

  Our two charges here are Dhillon and Pippen, two very friendly cats. Pippen, in particular, wants our undivided attention whenever she's in the house but runs away when she's outside.

  Dhillon is more independent and is quite happy to reduce his contact with us to thirty or forty seconds per day. I'm sure he likes us but he very definitely doesn't need us.

  After we arrived and got settled we decided an afternoon round of golf would be a nice diversion so we took ourselves off to the local club de golf. It seemed like a nice spot. The staff we encountered were friendly, the fairways, tees and greens were in beautiful shape, the course layout was challenging and nice to look at, so off we went to smack the little ball around.

  Unfortunately, everything from the amateurish behaviour of the greenskeeping staff, to the slow play of the other golfers, to a bunch of turkeys pretending to play golf in front of us did nothing but generate frustration and, sometimes, anger.

  I wish I could have done more than just leave a scathing review on Google but one of our neighbours is sure the owners don't care what I think. When Penny told him where we had played he just shook his head and told us our experience was not unusual. Too bad. It was certainly a nice looking place.

  Later that day Jen, James and our two grandsons, Lucas and Ben, arrived. There's lots of space here so we organized this sit in order to accommodate them for a few days while they visit Ottawa. As a result, we've had a very busy time here. Since they arrived we've taken a tour of the Senate, visited the Canadian Museum of History, done a "ghost tour", visited the Canadian Aviation Museum and tried an escape room at the Diefenbunker. Yesterday, they went to  Montreal so Ben could say he ate poutine there. Because we've been there and done that we stayed home. Also, going to Montreal involves spending money in Quebec, but I already said all I have to say about that.

  Our visit to the Senate started on an odd note. I had taken a tour of it and the Parliamentary Library when I was here with my parents in the 1960's so I knew what to expect, except I didn't. As we approached Parliament Hill Jen insisted we cross the street as the tour she booked directed us away from where I thought we should go. It turns out extensive restoration of the Centre Block, where both the House of Commons and Senate are located, has been underway since 2019. As a result, both have been relocated to temporary quarters until completion, expected in another ten years.

  The Senate tour was aimed at foreign tourists so a lot of time was spent describing our system of government, followed by explanations on the import of this august body of wise politicos. Knowing this is a load of crap, I wanted to engage her on the subject of Senate reform since the Senate is simply a rubber stamp for whatever government is in power and serves only as a place where they can gift their unelected political cronies a cushy job and a government pension. I'm sure the nice tourists didn't want to hear me pontificate on things political so I kept my mouth shut. I did, however, enjoy ten mirthful minutes sharing funny faces with a three year-old while the guide was explaining the nothing that transpires in one of the committee rooms.

  On to the Museum of History, which used to be known as the Museum of Civilization.

  I have no idea why they changed the name, so don't ask. In any case, it's a comprehensive collection of all things uniquely Canadian that have contributed to our culture and civilization. Since I'm an old guy and learned about all this in Grade 4, it all seemed a bit old hat. The big takeaway for me was that a lot of what was considered "history" is shit I lived through. Yes. Old. Anyway, it's a beautiful building designed by Douglas Cardinal and the exhibits are carefully curated and thoroughly explained. It is a truly wonderful museum if you don't mind sauntering through thousands of square feet dedicated to all the stuff you learned about when you were ten. Trust me when I say your feet won't thank you for slogging through it.

  The end of the day delivered a reward for enduring tired feet, bored neurons and rubbery cheeks from making faces at a three year-old. We ended up at Zak's Diner in the ByWard Market, a family favourite. We've been going to this place to enjoy their delicious milkshakes and diner fare for around thirty years, so we had an obligation to return once more. 

  We ended our day with a "ghost tour" of the Beechwood Cemetery. Known as the "National Cemetery", Beechwood has been around since the 1870's and a couple of notables, Tommy Douglas, largely responsible for our system of socialized health care, and Sir Robert Borden, Prime Minister during World War I, are buried there. Our guide spent over an hour leading us around the burial ground, spinning tales of Brian the Poltergeist and Joe the crematorium guy's spiritual hijinks while we dodged raindrops from a passing thunderstorm. We couldn't have asked for a more funereal atmosphere as our small group hid beneath umbrellas in the dark. It was a bit like a scene from The Exorcist though no one's head spun around. We didn't witness any paranormal activity. Maybe they don't come out in the rain.

  Wednesday, we had planned to take Lucas kayaking on the downtown stretch of the Rideau Canal while Jen, James and Ben went off to the Royal Canadian Mint. Unfortunately, the day dawned cloudy, windy and cool; not ideal conditions to be out on the water. Penny and I stayed back while the rest hit the Mint and we joined up later at the Aviation Museum.

  If you've been following along the past fifteen months you'll remember we visited the US Air Force Museum in Dayton, OH at the very beginning of our travels. Although the Canadian version is a fraction of its size the content is well-presented and the staff are very knowledgeable. Lucas and I took the "backstage" tour and got to see what they have in the attic, which is actually another hangar next door. We saw a ton of fascinating craft in various stages of restoration or disassembly. Since I had taken snaps of some of the various Air Force One's in Dayton I felt obliged to include an early Canadian version, used by the first Trudeau, from the 1960's. It doesn't scream "world dominating power" like a giant 747 but there's a certain Canadian-ness about it; understated and functional. Y'know, nothing to see here, move along.

  Amongst many interesting artifacts in the museum are the only remaining sections of the ill-fated Avro Arrow project from the late 1950's. There is a wing, Iroquois engine and the complete nose section of RL-206, all very cool to see up close. As I thought all evidence of these impressive designs was destroyed I was very surprised to see this on display.

  With that chapter of our adventures completed we were slated to escape from the Diefenbunker in an hour. Unfortunately, the thirty-two minute trip Google predicted became ninety-six minutes due to people conducting physics experiments with their cars en route. Therefore, we were very late. The nice people there did allow us to try the escape room but, due to scheduling constraints, could only allow us forty-five minutes to complete it instead of an hour. We persevered.

  At this point it's incumbent upon me to offer some explanation for all this. First, for those of you not up to speed on escape rooms, let me try to describe it to you. A group of you and your friends/family, typically numbering 6-12, are locked in a room, or series of rooms, for an hour. During that time you are required to decipher codes and complete puzzles to gain access to keys and combinations that unlock doors and, if successful, allow you to escape. We've all been doing this for years and some of our group are quite accomplished. If you remember, we did one in Cyprus while Kate was visiting.

  The Diefenbunker is a giant underground complex constructed in the early 1960's while John Diefenbaker was Prime Minister, thus the nomenclature. It's actual name is Canadian Forces Station Carp, Carp being the name of the little town where it's located. The purpose of this facility was to provide a bomb shelter for the government located far enough from Ottawa to protect them in the event of a nuclear war. It's kind of a bookend to our nuclear missile silo visit in Arizona last summer.

  With the dissolution of the Soviet Union in 1991 and the subsequent end of the Cold War the site was decommissioned in 1994. It has since been repurposed as a Cold War museum and part of it is used by the escape room company.

  Without giving away any of the details for those who might have this experience on their to-do list I will heartily recommend it. We did not complete the task as we needed more time and people. There were only six of us and it seems designed for a larger group of eight to twelve. Otherwise, everything was well-designed and challenging, a 5/5 on all counts.

  With that crossed off our list Penny and I headed off for a terrific dinner at Aroma Meze, in downtown Ottawa. It was our forty-second anniversary and we celebrated it with great food and wine in a cozy spot. I'm not one for pix of food but who can resist food with flames?

  As I said earlier, Jen and her gang were off in Montreal yesterday sampling poutine and wandering the streets of the Old Port. Penny and I hung around home until sundown when we once again made our way to Ottawa to see the hot air balloons taking off for their evening flights from the Festival de Montgolfieres de Gatineau. It was a perfect evening, calm winds, clear sky and lots of balloons. It made us want to go up in one... again.

  That brings our week in Hawkesbury to a close. If you haven't spent time in the Ottawa area I heartily recommend it. There's lots to see, great restaurants and bars, beautiful scenery and the winters are wonderful with skating on the Rideau Canal, snowshoeing and skiing. We've been here many times and have always had a good time.

  Next week we'll be back house sitting for a couple near Newmarket, the first of three stays there between now and the end of October. Since we won't be touristing I'll be publishing an installment highlighting the best restaurants we've experienced over the past fifteen months, so look for that. In the meantime, we're looking forward to returning to a place where speaking English isn't a crime.

Cheers!

Good and Bad

   Our three weeks on the farm are coming to a close today. We've cleaned and washed and vacuumed and put everything back in its place. Given how crowded with stuff this place is I think that, in itself, deserves a medal.

  Before I get to more about this sit I should note, for those of you who aren't aware, my wife went skydiving last week. Jen's ex, Jason, went along for the ride as he enjoyed it so much the first time, about ten years ago.

  I don't quite understand it. I love to fly but jumping out of a perfectly good airplane for no reason seems odd to me. I guess there's a kind of Sir Edmund Hillary thing going on in reverse, to wit, because it was there, down not up, if you get my drift. We're not done yet. Next on the proverbial bucket list for her is flying in a glider. I did mention I love to fly... I also think an engine is good. Silly me.

  Anyway, I fulfilled my duty of documenting said adventure, much like when she went swimming in Antarctica. I'm ok not participating so don't feel sad for me. I have no desire to subject myself to these flights (sorry) of derring-do. When I feel the need for a thrill I'll search out a Tail Of The Dragon-like road or a black diamond ski run. Hell, I might even go into the ocean where the surf goes past my knees! I'm good with that.

  Back to the farm. As I said when we arrived, it's a beautiful property and a not-so-beautiful house. We've enjoyed long walks through the fields and forests with Lucy, the dog that walks, while Heidi, the old dog no longer capable of walks, lounges on the dining room floor. She's a good dog and has had a hard life working the sheep but now it's a major effort just for her to stand up to eat. It's sad, really, watching her like this and I'm not sure we would have been able to watch this if she were ours. But our job is not to judge or try to change anything, only to watch over everything and maintain the status quo.

  Speaking of the dogs, this would be a good time to talk about the other not-so-nice doggy thing we've been dealing with... Lucy's breath. When we arrived we noted it was a kind of, well, disgusting. We've tried the chewy, teeth-cleaning bones, brushing her teeth with what little remained of the paste they use here and a green gel that gets rubbed inside her mouth. Nothing worked. In fact, if it's possible, I think it's gotten worse.

  About thirty years ago Penny's aunt gave my sister-in-law's husband a birthday card that proclaimed his breath could gag a maggot. I wish Lucy's breath was that nice. I'm not even getting into the preponderance of dog farts in this house. I suspect the bad breath and gross farts are due to the dogs' diet but, once again, it's not ours to change. Thus, I am glad to be leaving the farm today and breathing some of that fresh, unsullied country air.

  Now, I don't want you, dear reader, to get the impression we haven't enjoyed our time here. Bad breath and farts can put a damper on things but we still enjoyed our time here. Except while sitting in the dining room when it was dark enough to require the electric light. I mentioned the main part of the house was built in 1860 and I suspect the wiring might be of a similar vintage. I should check it and see if Edison autographed it.

  For the most part things work here but turn on the ceiling fixture in the dining room and get ready to have an epileptic fit. There are two fixtures connected to the switch and one of them likely has mouse-chewed wiring running to it. When that fixture is lit it flickers annoyingly. I've tried removing each of the four light bulbs in case one was dodgy. Nope. It's not the switch either since the other fixture's light is as steady as can be. It's bad enough that Penny leaves the room when it's on. I suspect one day it will start a fire but, again, it's not for me to resolve (see Shipwright's disease in the previous chapter).

  Speaking of fixing things, which I said I would not attempt, I did manage to fix the toilet and the kitchen faucet that I mentioned last time. Total cost $15. I told the owners and the response was, "It's an old house and things break". You're welcome.

  Aside from those things it's been nice here. The pool was not used as much as we'd like since our weather wasn't great but it was welcome a few days when temps reached 30C. We've also been eating fresh veggies from the garden and that's been okay too. I'll miss the cows who come to say hello whenever they're nearby during my walks with Lucy and I'll miss  watching the otter chase the ducks in the pond outside our window. It's nice to hear the bullfrogs in the evening too. But I won't miss cleaning drowned frogs and mice out of the pool skimmer. No, I won't miss that!

  One final thing about this sit, since you all read this blog to find out how we're doing with this revolutionary way of living. We said we would stay close to the fam this summer so we could spend time with the kids and grandchildren. This sit wasn't close enough to qualify so we'll try harder to be close for the rest of the year. We were far enough away that it was inconvenient to visit on the spur of the moment but not far enough away to be considered "traveling".

  On Thursday we're off to Hawkesbury for the final ten days of August. It promises to be a fun time with lots to do as we'll be mid-way between Ottawa and Montreal. With only a couple of cats to watch over we won't be tied to the house like we are for dog feeding and walking times so that makes a nice break.  Aside that one and the Kelowna sit in October we expect to be much closer to home than we've been the past three weeks. At least until the New Year, then all bets are off!

  My next installment will be coming to you from Eastern Ontario where I hope there's lots of new stuff to talk about. Who knows... maybe Penny will find something new to jump out of while we're there. Until then, drink up!

Down On The Farm

   Well, here we are in a new abode. It's been a month since we stayed in one place for more than a week and it's nice. We get to unpack our clothes, get comfortable and relax. It's not like having our own place but it's much better than living out of a suitcase.

  This time we're taking care of a farm east of Stouffville, ON. We're milking the cows, slopping the hogs, feeding the chickens and shearing the sheep. Ok. Not. But it is a farm, just no longer a functioning one. The owners retired from sheep farming last fall so we're at the vestiges of a farm. It's a 90 acre property, half pasture land and half forest. Outside the house is a pond with the obligatory bullfrogs.

It's all quite charming. Oh, and there's a pool. I mean, why would we agree to sit for someone who didn't have a pool? Sacrilege.

  Since it's a farm there's a barn... or two... and barn cats. And pigeons. The owners asked me if I knew of a way to get rid of pigeons. I thought you could get some kind of ultrasonic  repellent but that will get rid of the cats too. They like the cats, so I checked reddit. Here are some of the solutions I found there:

• Shoot paint balls at them
• Buy a hawk
• Cover the roost with Vaseline (they slip off when they land)
• Play Michael Bolton records
• Kill one and leave it as a warning
• Napalm... but only in the morning

I forwarded the reddit thread to the owners.

  There's a few cows here as the owners are leasing some pasture to a friend. So it looks farm-like.

But mainly there are two old dogs to care for. Heidi, who's a 13 year-old Maremma herding dog (no, I'd never heard of that before), seems not long for this world as she's barely able to raise herself off the floor to go outside.

She's a sweetheart but she's worked hard her whole life and is enjoying her retirement. Lucy is a 12 year-old Munsterlander Pointer (never heard of that before either).

She's still pretty active and is always up for a walk. They have very specific routines and it's taken us a few days to sort it all out. You know... old dogs and new tricks.

  The house itself dates from 1860 with a recent addition.

It's quaint and full of squeaks and groans and bouncy floors and doors that creak. I think that's called "character". I call it very much in need of maintenance. I'm finding it a bit frustrating because I want to fix everything... and then I slap myself. It's the kind of house that, back when I had a British car, we would have said it had "shipwright's disease".

  Imagine going into a ship's hold to fix a lightbulb. When you try to unscrew the bulb it breaks off in your hand. Once you manage to extricate the rest of the bulb from the socket you see it's rusty and melted. When you try to replace the socket you find melted and corroded wiring. You end up re-wiring the entire ship because you thought it was a good idea to change a lightbulb. That's why I'm not going to fix anything here. One of the toilets doesn't flush properly and, when I took the lid off the tank everything was rusted. I stopped and put the lid back on. Smart, yes?

  The other thing is, it's very much an "old people's house". For starters, they have a landline. Every flat surface has some kind of medication bottle on it. There was a used toothpick under one of the dining room placemats. They have a bunch of tchotchkes on top of a cabinet that rattle against each other when you walk on the bouncy floor. They have what may be the very first flat screen TV ever manufactured. I'm not sure it's even HD. Staying here makes me feel 90 years old. Yeah, I know. If I was twenty years younger I'd say this place made me feel 65 years old.

  It is, however, a gorgeous property with the house surrounded by gardens and lots of trees. Penny and I have taken some short walks near the house but the hot, humid weather and the mosquitoes have discouraged us from going farther afield. With the weather forecast to cool a bit next week we're planning to douse ourselves in bug spray and hike off to the back forty. I'm sure Lucy will be up to it.

  Regarding our future plans, we're now booked through the end of October. We've managed to secure multiple sits at a home near Newmarket (with a pool) as well as a week and a half near Ottawa (with a pool), where Jen and the boys will visit for a few days, and another in Kelowna (sorry, no pool), where Bryan and Sheila of Yellowknife fame will join us. You'll remember we saw them in Calgary last summer where we played board games and shared tales of belly button lint. If you missed it you'll just have to go back in the archives. It frightens me to think of it. The lint, not the visit.

  Anyway, the surest way for me not to feel old is to lie in the sun and have a few umbrella drinks by the pool and I think that's this week's plan. Cheers!