New York Times Restaurant Review

   Ok. It's not but I'll bet the title attracted your attention. Right? I promised a compendium of restaurant reviews from all our travels during the past fifteen months so, since I'm compelled to keep my promises, here it is whether you like it or not. I'm inclined to present this chronologically as that's how my memory works, so here goes.

Delphos, OH

  To be honest, we didn't actually eat at Cabo Mexican Restaurant during any of our housesitting excursions although we intended to. We aimed ourselves here on our first day out of Newmarket because we'd eaten at this place back in 2018 during an overnight stop while driving home with the 1965 Corvair convertible we'd purchased in Atlanta. When we tried to return in 2023 it happened to be on Memorial Day and it was closed so we ended up at Pizza Hut, which wasn't nearly as good.

  The reason we wanted to return was our first experience was fantastic. The food was authentically Mexican, the service was impeccable, the prices were very reasonable and we drank a pitcher of margaritas.

  I feel, maybe, our opinion of the place was influenced by the last item on the list which we also shared with our waiter. That shred of doubt was what brought us back five years later. Since we didn't get a chance to prove this place's worth one way or the other I guess it will have to wait for us to have another opportunity, or for one of you to venture into deepest, darkest Ohio and give it a try.

Prescott, AZ

  Ok. You've driven a looooong way. You arrived, unpacked, grabbed a few hours sleep and now you're ready for a superlative breakfast. Get your ass down to the Bistro St. Michael in downtown Prescott, AZ and order the Brisket Benedict. This may be the most wonderful thing ever invented to start your day. It's got grilled poblanos, avocado, brisket, hollandaise, potatoes and... eggs. The coffee wasn't great so, when you're done here, walk a couple of blocks to burn off some of the calories and check in to the Wild Iris Coffee House.

  Much coffee is here. No. Much terrific coffee is here. And other baked thingies which are almost as good as the coffee. It's a cozy little spot with great music in the background and a shady patio just outside. I think we went to this place three times while we were there and each time was better than the last.

San Francisco, CA

  To be honest, we didn't really eat in any great restaurants here. We did take a wonderful food tour in the Mission District which exposed us to a couple of noteworthy places. The food we ate there was on the street so, as I said, not in. The first place we hit, called Craftsman and Wolves, had a neat breakfast item called the Rebel Within:

  It's a muffin with a soft-cooked egg inside surrounded by pork sausage bits, asiago and parmesan cheeses and scallions. Yes. It's as good as it sounds. A great start to the day, which was followed by a stop in the Dandelion Chocolate Shop. Not technically a restaurant, but if you think of chocolate as life then it offers sustenance for spiritual survival. We bought some and ended up taking the next two months to eat it, nibbling at a piece from one country one week and one from another country the next.

Crescent City, CA

  If ever you find yourself wandering up the northern California coast without clothes because some asshole broke into your car in San Francisco and stole everything you'll likely find yourself in Crescent City. Two things: 1) don't go to the Walmart expecting to buy socks and underwear because all that stuff is under lock and key and I'm pretty sure you don't want to ask for help locating underwear and 2) go to Kin Thao for Thai food. This little place, located in what passes for a downtown core in this burg, is a quality joint. Food? Great. Price? Also great. Service? Ditto. We came hungry and left happy. Without underwear.

Vancouver, BC

  Another food tour, this time in Chinatown. Once again we ate something terrific on the street, the maybe world famous steamed buns from New Town Bakery. The best. It was followed shortly thereafter by dim sum at Floata Seafood Restaurant. Also the best. Wait. Two "bests"? Ok, let me reduce your expectations so there's no potential disappointment after jumping on a plane, flying to Vancouver and finding these places are no better than Wong's Chicken Ball Emporium in Poughkeepsie, NY. If you find yourself already in Vancouver and your intention is to head to Chinatown, you could do a lot worse than eat at these places. There. Expectations set accordingly.

Idaho Falls, ID

  There's only one reason you'd find yourself here and that's because you're on your way to Yellowstone National Park, which we were. Next to the Econo Lodge is Grandpa's Southern BBQ. Go there. It's run by a family from Alabama and it's real BBQ. The husband runs the smoker with a deft touch, the wife waits tables and Mama sits behind the register making sure the place runs on a paying basis. She's also responsible for handing out a free slice of pie if she likes you. She liked us. We got two! More food than we could comfortably eat, so we just got uncomfortable and waddled back to the motel to lie down in a food coma afterwards. We'd go there again, except Idaho's a long way to go for dinner.

Minnesota

  When we stayed in Montgomery, MN we spent a lot of time traveling around to see all the surrounding towns and villages. We saw the Defeat of Jesse James Days at Northfield, hit the Spam Museum in Austin, wandered around Minneapolis for an afternoon, you get the picture. 

  The best food experience we had was at a BBQ place in Lonsdale called Smoke. It's actually a microbrewery and BBQ which pairs two of life's treasures in one place. The choice of beers is extensive and tasty and the food is sublime. We still have the $10 off card we won at Trivia Night and we're planning to return when the homeowners in Montgomery invite us back.

  A local midwest specialty we discovered in Minnesota was Beer Cheese Soup. After a round of golf in Fairbault (Fairbow), MN, we were looking for a bite to eat and happened upon the Depot Bar and Grill. The aforementioned concoction was on the chalkboard and, since it combined two of my favourite foods, I clicked on "adventure" and ordered a bowl. Well, I wasn't disappointed. It immediately became one of my favourite soups, so much so that I attempted to make it when we returned home. I was less successful than the Depot's chef so I guess that means we'll have to return there too!

The South

  Now this one's a bit weird (not Donald Trump and JD Vance weird) but I have to include it if I'm to satisfy my duties here. If you're traveling an interstate highway in any southern state it behooves you to stop at Buc-ees (hyphen is theirs not mine), a giant pit stop where you can buy gas, food, souvenirs and all kinds of weird Christian-type memento thingies ("thank you Jesus for helping me dry the dishes"). Ignore all that and head straight to the brisket sandwiches. Because there's nowhere to eat them you end up sitting in your car, napkin spread out on your lap to cover the spots where you just know that BBQ sauce is going to plop, and pig out on one of the best sandwiches you'll ever eat. Trust me on this.

Hutchinson Island, FL

  Imagine you're lying on a beach, soaking up some rays, listening to the surf roll in, the gulls squawking overhead.

  What can complement such a scene most effectively? If your answer was a dozen buck-a-shuck oysters and a $2 Yuengling beer, you win! Just down the road from the place we stayed, across from the beach, sits a little neighbourhood pub called The Magic Oyster that offers just that. You sit on the patio and, anytime from 3-6 pm, you can slurp oysters and quaff beers to your heart's content and leave yourself lots of money to head around the corner for an ice cream cone afterwards. This is not an experience you get tired of fast.

  Also, if you're in the mood for pizza, which I always am, there's a place across the Intracoastal Waterway in Jensen Beach called Original Santos Wood Fired Pizza. It's quaint, as in Chianti bottles with candles in them on the table tops and a bad singer at a cheap organ bellowing "That's Amore" at the top of his cigarette smoke-coated lungs. Ok, maybe not "quaint"... more like "cheesy". But, hey, it's a pizza joint so I guess "cheesy" isn't a bad thing. The pizza, however, needs it's own song. Chewy, tasty crust, sweet, tangy sauce, high quality toppings. I dare you to do better than this place. Oh, and there's always a lineup to get in so order online, pick it up and eat at home. You'll still wait when you get there but it's worth it.

Paphos, Cyprus

  Tavernas are everywhere in Cyprus and Greece. Everywhere you go you can find passable souvlaki, spanakopita and moussaka... and french fries. Finding a place that takes pride in their food can be a challenge but we were directed to a little place that satisfied our requirements for good food and service, reasonably priced. If you're in Mesogi, at the north end of Paphos, head to To Tavernaki. The menu is interesting, the food is prepared and served with care and the service is friendly and warm. The place is always jammed so I think the locals agree.

Isthmia, Greece

  The Corinth Canal dates back a while and one of the oddities about it are two submersible bridges. I won't bore you with the details as you can Google as well as I. The point is, we wanted to see one in action so we camped out at the Isthmia Bridge Cafe for lunch. We spent two hours waiting for the bridge to do its thing while the old woman who ran the place served us local beer and the best souvlaki on the face of the Earth. I may be exaggerating, but not by much. By the way, the bridge never moved since as, we found out after lunch, the canal was closed for repairs. Stupid tourists. But the souvlaki made it all worthwhile.

Delphi, Greece

  There we were in Delphi, preparing to visit with the Oracle the next morning, wondering where to eat. The nice lady where we were staying advised us the best restaurant in town was a short walk away and we should just go there. So we did.

  It's important to know, at this point, that the town of Delphi is built on the side of a mountain. Everywhere you go in town you get amazing views down through the surrounding hills to the Gulf of Corinth. And that was the view we were presented with when we sat down to dinner that evening at Taverna Vakhos. To say the food was superb is an understatement. This is a farm to table establishment so everything they serve is produced by local farmers. It's fresh, original and amazing. Go to Delphi and eat there. I mean it.

Ottawa, ON

  That brings me to our most recent memorable meal, during our stay in Hawkesbury, ON. While in Ottawa for things touristy Penny and I went to Aroma Meze to celebrate our 42nd anniversary. It's an unassuming little place occupying a house on a residential street downtown. It's warm and softly lit and is filled with tables laden with all manner of meze being enjoyed by people who love great food. If you're not familiar with it, meze (pronounced mezz-eh) is the Greek/Cypriot version of tapas, that is, small plates.

  We had a friendly, knowledgeable waiter who helped us with our choices, brought us fine wine and set fire to our Ouzo Shrimps.

  That, alone, earned him a generous tip as I love it when people set fire to things. We enjoyed everything we ate, listed our favourites, drank the wine, ate dessert and left, hours later, satisfied and happy. That's the definition of a great meal.

  And with that my screed comes to an end. I promised a compendium of fine dining and I hope you think I delivered. I know many of these establishments are off the beaten track for most people but I urge you, should you darken any of the varied spots around the globe I've covered here, do yourself a favour and stop in for a bite. You won't be disappointed.

Salut!