We Were Tired of Those Clothes Anyway

   So, you're probably saying to yourself, "He just wrote a new episode yesterday. Doesn't he have anything better to do?" Let me explain.

  As I wrote yesterday, we were hitting the road to Vancouver first thing this morning and I put our suitcases in the car last night so we'd be ready to go. When I walked out of the house this morning, this is what I found:

  Our suitcases, which had been in the back seat due to the trunk being full of golf clubs, folding chairs, sleeping bags and a bag of charcoal (don't ask), were gone. Of course, you curious reader were about to ask, what about the stuff in the trunk? Were our clubs gone? Was our camping gear gone? Nope and nope. The glovebox was undisturbed too. They broke the window and grabbed our bags and left the rest. Idiots.

  Now, they're lucky we did laundry yesterday else they'd be the proud owners of 10 days worth of dirty clothes. Instead, they'll be happily down in some tent city trading my freshly laundered underwear for a baggie of weed.

  Anyway, after a friendly chat with a police officer and some plastic and duct tape courtesy of our host we were good to go. Since it was Sunday I figured on waiting until Monday morning to talk to the insurance company.

  Our first stop was to find some emergency togs to get us through until we hit Canada. No point in replacing this stuff in US dollars. Costco was helpful, except neither of us needed 16 pair of socks. We picked up a few things and figured to hit a Wal-Mart for socks later in the day.

  We headed north through the Sonoma Valley, gradually angling our way to the Pacific Coast. Our first stop was at the famous tree you can drive your car through. I mean, who doesn't want to drive a car through a tree. Hands up anyone who's tried this except the tree didn't have a hole cut in it? Anyway, for only $15, I drove through it; cheaper than driving through the one without a hole I say.

  Our next stop was Eureka which, everyone knows, is what Archimedes screamed when he found socks in Wal-Mart. In we marched in search of hosiery when, to my astonishment, I found all the men's socks, underwear, jeans... you name it, under lock and key in glass cabinets. What fresh hell is this, I thought. First some asshole steals my socks then I'm going to be treated like a criminal because I want to buy new ones? Not this guy. Bu-bye Wal-Mart. Maybe we'll stop at the Walla Walla Wal-Mart (God, I love saying that) or I'll just go sockless until we get to Canada, like Paul McCartney on the Abbey Road cover.

  Of we went, sockless, leaving that despicable burg behind us. Now the Pacific Ocean appeared beside miles of untouched beach and beckoned us to dip our toes into its icy clutches.

Off came the shoes and the jeans got rolled up and off I went:

  Yes, it was low tide but apparently that doesn't preclude monstrous, jeans-soaking rogue waves.

  They're almost dry now, thanks for asking.

  Further up the road we entered the Redwood Forest National Park and Penny spotted these elk, just hangin' out near the road:

  It's strange how those roadside warning signs always show elk jumping onto the road but never do they depict them sitting around like a bunch of guys drinking beers around a poker table. Oh well. We hung around a bit to see if they would endanger us by jumping onto the road but nothing. Onward we ventured into the redwoods:

  Our last stop was required because... Paul Bunyan. Now, I thought ol' Paul was a Minnesota thing (see the Coen brothers' "Fargo") but he and Babe the Blue Ox seems to appear wherever there are forests. I know there's another in Oregon and we'll likely see him in Minnesota so here's the first in a series of Paul Bunyans:

  We finished our day in Crescent City, CA and had a wonderful Thai dinner so a day that started horribly finished in spectacular fashion. Tomorrow we're off to Portland, OR in search of a few Atlas Obscura oddities. We've also decided that, since it's one of Guy Fieri's favourite cities we'll try to eat lunch and dinner at Triple D places. If you're not familiar with "Triple D" look it up on the Google thingie. Until next time, here's hoping things are just a bit less exciting from here on out.