And Then It Got Interesting

   For those of you following along with us on this adventure, you'll know we've been less than impressed with Cyprus. Until now.

  First, it's been six days without chips and salad. Win! Of course, we haven't set foot in a restaurant since Kate left so we're not home free. We're planning to partake in a fish meze sometime in the next couple of days so we'll likely be hit over the head with the Cypriot staple foods again before we leave.

  Second, the weather warmed up. Yep. We've managed to sleep without heaters for the past four nights. Another win! Temps here in Kallepia have warmed up to the high teens and, in the sun, it's quite pleasant. To boot, we were in Paphos a couple of days ago and I was almost too warm in jeans. Like, what the hell is this? I might have to break out the shorts I packed under the assumption it would be warmish here.

  Third, we did interesting stuff and saw interesting things this week. Now, to be fair, I did spend a fair bit of time feeling miserable over the past couple of weeks so we could have done these things earlier but, I'm fine now and we did the things. Let's go back a couple of days.

  We knew the main archaeological site in Paphos would be more interesting than the Tombs of the Rich Guys we saw two weeks ago and it didn't disappoint. We started with a commonplace sight in Greece and Cyprus as we were entering the site.

  Notice the ruins surrounded by a parking lot and a restaurant. I mean, how blase can you get? "Welcome to the archaeological site. Those ruins? Meh. Look at these ruins! Those ruins weren't good enough for us so we left them out there."

  In we went and, as I said, we weren't disappointed. The major attraction here is the mosaics in, what is called, the House of Dionysus. I say that because there's no evidence Dionysus actually lived there. There's no "For a good time call Dionysus" scrawled on the cistern wall. A roof has been built over the many rooms that were unearthed to protect the amazing scenes contained within. Almost all of the floor spaces are decorated with mosaics depicting mythological characters and telling their stories.

  Now think about this for a bit. This site goes back to the Hellenic Age, around 400 BC. Was it mythology back then or current affairs? Maybe these people were actually hanging around at the time, looking for publicity in order to make them mythological. "Hey Dionysus! How much will it cost to get me into your new floor?" It's also worth considering that this stuff was created twenty-five hundred years ago. I've done a lot of tile work in my time but I was never required to guarantee my work for millennia. I'm not sure I'd have taken that contract.

  Anyway, if you zoom in on those pictures you'll see how tiny the bits of tile are. There's no way to know what kind of effort these scenes would have taken to create but I figure there was a fairly large crew working for many years. Let's try to put it in modern terms. Your average tilesetter earns around $25/hour. Let's say there were a hundred working there and they banged away at it for five years. Now let's do that math, based on an eighty hour work week (no unions back then):

100 guys x $25/hour x 80 hours x 52 weeks x 5 years = $52 million (plus materials)

  Maybe I would quote that job. As I said, impressive. Oh. No building code violations either.

  We moved on to see the rest of the site which is large enough that it took two hours for us to circumnavigate it on foot shortly after we arrived in town. There are many ruins like an old Frankish fort from the same timeframe as the Paphos fort we saw on our first trip to the area.

  Those were the guys who took over from the Ottomans, not a bunch of guys named Frank. History lesson, done.

  We headed over to the old agora and found something rare for Cyprus, marble!

  Unless I've forgotten everything we learned in Athens, I'm gonna say that's a capital from a Corinthian pillar. I know you're impressed with our knowledge of ancient marblework but wait. There's more.

  Now the agora was the ancient marketplace and we haven't seen any evidence of marble during our travels so I'm going to make some broad assumptions. First, a market is a place where many vendors of different types gather to sell their wares. Second, there's no significant stash of marble in Cyprus. Third, there's guys like Dionysus building very impressive structures requiring pillars.

  This is where it gets good. I'm thinking a vendor, let's call him Gus, has a brother-in-law, Gus,  in Athens and a buddy, Gus, who has a ship. He sends one of his pigeons to Gus (the  brother-in-law) asking him to source some marble fixtures he can sell in the agora for an obscene markup, then arranges for them to be brought over on Gus' (buddy) ship. The guy's an astute businessman who probably made it big. Just an educated guess. Also, After Gus (our hero) started his little import business the local pillar industry collapsed, as evidenced by this uncompleted stonework:

  See? History and archaeology. Nothin' to it. I'll be signing autographs later.

  Now, here's a little weirdness people my age still have trouble getting used to. Penny and I are walking around this archaeological site nine thousand kilometers away in Cyprus and my phone pings with a Facebook message. Sarah, our daughter-in-law, suggests it would be a good time to have a video chat with our granddaughter, Nora, when she awakens around 8 am, their time. Sure. We find the odeon and sit down to wait, soaking up some sunshine.

  Think about it for a second. Here we are sitting on the same stone benches where theatre goers sat over two thousand years ago, waiting to start a video chat. Not earth-shattering but still weird. Anyway, it didn't work as Penny's data connection was dead.

  On our way out we stopped at the visitor centre so Penny could pick up a memento of our visit. When she tried to get the attendant's attention she was asked to wait for a minute as "the president is on site." Wait. The president? Of Cyprus? We hadn't seen a motorcade. No security guards with coiled earplug wires running down their jackets locking down the site. No army. No police. I went outside to see if we'd just missed it. Then I saw a Mercedes with flashing lights drive past. Then another. Then an SUV. I waited for the rest. That was it. The SUV wandered around a bit, then left. The first Mercedes disappeared down the road and out of the second one pops the official group:

  The tall, balding guy shielding his eyes is the president, Nikos Christodoulides, and the shorter, gray-haired gentleman is Sergio Mattarella, president of Italy. Oh. There's a couple of security guys with them. All kind of low-key.

  Apparently, Mr. Mattarella was in Cyprus and wanted to see the site so they shoehorned the side trip in before both of them left for EU business the next morning. We were the only bystanders. You can see the plainclothes security guy looking at me as I'm taking the picture. He pulled out an Uzi and fired a few rounds at us but we ducked behind the visitor centre and hid in the ruins. The other ones by the parking lot. Ok. He didn't pull out his Uzi but, if he did, we'd have shown him just how fast Canadians can run.

  With that excitement behind us we rested up for yesterday's excursion to The Mountains. It sounds impressive when it's in italics, doesn't it? How about BOLD UPPER CASE ITALICS? Yeah. Overdone.

  There's a Mount Olympos here in Cyprus. It's not as tall or impressive as the one in Greece (where have we heard this before?) but it was a place we hadn't been to and who can refuse a trip to the TALLEST POINT IN CYPRUS. Ok. I'll stop. Off we went in search of thrills and spills.

  The first thing you need to know about the Troodos Mountains, where Mount Olympos is located, is this is the area where the bronze age in Cyprus began. Copper was everywhere around there and mining took place for a thousand years. Here's a little known fact. This was the only place where copper could be found in the ancient world and it was named cuprus, which was the Roman name for Cyprus. Yes. Copper is named after Cyprus. There. Now you can ace the next pub Trivia Night.

  The other noteworthy thing about Mount Olympos is there's skiing there. Really. We saw the chairlift. Yes. "The". One only. Skiing's not big here but they try.

  We channeled Sir Edmund Hillary and ascended the windy switchbacks to the top of the mountain, because it was there. What did we find when we reached the top? Why, a UK Air Force radar station, of course. Restricted. No photographs. Get lost. This means you. There was a guy there with a gun. Not the same guy but we got outta there just the same, before we ended up locked in a damp house without heat for a month while awaiting a show trial. Or maybe he just said, please. Anyway, down we went.

  Our next stop was to try to get a look at the ancient copper mining area and I picked a spot on the map that looked likely, given it was a mine. Yes, I do have superior deductive skills, thank you. It also happened to be near the Green Line across which lay the evil TRNC. As we approached we saw a number of UN vehicles going the other way, likely responding to the security breach at Mount Olympos.

  When we arrived at the mine we tried to enter the site but encountered yet another armed security guy. Well, not exactly armed. I mean, he did have arms, but he was only holding his lunch. He also asked us to leave. After being told to clear out too many times for one day we decided we'd had enough and left. So there. We did manage to snap this shot of the lonely sentry post next to the barb-wired Green Line:

  There didn't appear to be anyone there as I guess it was a full-on alert at Mount Olympos.

  The remainder of our trip took us to the Troodos Botanical Gardens which, unsurprisingly, didn't have much on display given it's still winter. The gravel was nice though. We also stopped at the local UNESCO geology centre to learn about the local historical mining activities. It overlooks a giant asbestos mine that closed thirty years ago and is in the process of being rehabilitated.

  Now, before you think our Cyprus adventures have come to a close with our leaving Monday, you're in for a treat. Tomorrow we're golfing at the famous Vikla Golf Club. We didn't plan on golfing here as it's not really a thing. There are only five other courses here and they're all associated with resorts or housing developments (read stupid expensive). Vikla isn't. It's cheap. Also, there's no grass there for nine months of the year. Did I mention it's cheap? We may get lucky and find grass as it's not the hot season yet but, if there isn't any they provide a piece of AstroTurf for you to carry around. That way you don't break your clubs on the rocks. We're looking forward to it.

  Until then, fore!

A Familiar Face

 Well friends, it's been another week so it's time to bring you up to date on our Cypriot Adventure.

  As I told you in our last installment, our friend Kate came to visit. If you've been following along since we started all this last May you'll know we've met up with family and friends a few times during our travels. It's so nice to see a familiar face when you're amongst an entire country of strangers!

  The day before she arrived Penny and I decided, after watching yet another season of the Great British Baking Show, that making a meat pie with a hot water crust was just what we needed on a cool, rainy evening. Let me bring you up to speed on this. Hot water crust requires lard so off we went to the grocery store. Stores. Guess what? Lard is impossible to find here. Also, we found some frozen shrimp at one of the stores and thought shrimp cocktails would be nice, but we needed horseradish to make the sauce. Guess what? Horseradish is impossible to find here. We did find horseradish sauce and bought it, but it's not the same.

  Anyway, back to the lard. With no lard available Penny said we could use suet, a box of which she'd spied in the cupboard. Of course, like with all our house sits, we replace anything we use so we had to find suet. Suet is impossible to find here. Except. Except for one store that a nice English ex-pat lady directed us to, so done. Ok, cut to the chase. Here's how it turned out (it's on a dinner plate, by the way, so it's big:

  Beauty, eh? I gotta say, we were both soooo impressed with our newfound hot water pastry skills when it came out of the oven. I mean, it looked great! We let it cool and then it was time to eat. Well, did I mention it looked great? I mean, it did. Just look up there☝. See? Unfortunately, I don't think we put enough suet into the crust because, well, power tools were required to cut it. Did I mention how great it looked? It wasn't a disaster though, as the beef and mushroom filling was outstanding. Moderate success.

  Back to Kate. Although she stayed in Paphos six years ago she wasn't very mobile so was relegated to a seaside hotel away from the main part of the city. During this visit she was determined to have a more in-depth experience and we were happy to oblige.

  After spending Saturday and most of Sunday catching up we headed off to a local taverna for a meze (pronounced "mezz-eh"). For those of you not up on your Greek and Cypriot food, a "meze" can best be compared to the Spanish "tapas", that is, small plates. In this case, we ordered a "mini-meze" which is only sixteen plates instead of the regular twenty-one. There was a salad. Olives. Halloumi. Tzatziki. Tahini. Pitas. Sausage. Lamb. More meat. More meat. Urp. And dessert. Urp. Who can eat twenty-one dishes??? We ended up taking some of it home. Then we laid on the floor and burped. Ok. Not really, but we should have.

  Monday was set aside for some shopping, as one does, followed by more eating. This time we headed uptown to a gyros place recommended by one of Kate's students whose family has a vacation home here. Now, I'm not a connoisseur of gyros, much preferring shawarma, but I was a bit surprised when the french fries that were included were included inside the pita. Is this normal? Not to me. I mean, here I am eating a pita which is already loaded with carbs and not figuring on eating many fries, but they are included so I'll have a few thank you and, instead, here's this massive pita filled with meat and... fries. Not a fan.

  By Tuesday we were ready for fun and games. And that's exactly what we got. Two of Kate's favourite activities are escape rooms and trivia contests. Through some exceptional research and logistical gymnastics I managed to schedule us into the only escape room in Paphos, followed immediately by the Tuesday evening Quiz Night at one of the local pubs.

  Now we've all done many escape rooms over the years but Kate manages to do it in every country she visits. I think she's up to at least ten by now, not including all the times she's been to the local ones around Newmarket. It was time to add Cyprus to the list so we marched off to find the lost ceremonial mask that would help us break the curse at the Tombs of the Kings Important Guys.

  As far as escape rooms go we found it to be fairly well done, about a 7/10. Unfortunately, the A/C was broken and it was about 35C inside. Trying to figure out arcane puzzles while sweat drips in your eyes might make an authentic in-tomb experience for some but I, for one, was unimpressed. Needless to say, we didn't finish unlocking the secret within the allotted hour, even with the extra time the owner gave us because he was sure the very experienced Canadian escape room pros would ace it and he hated the thought his modest attraction would baffle us.

  He was very apologetic at the end and was sure we'd have completed the task if it wasn't so hot inside. Yeah. What he said.

  After that it was off to DT's Pub for Quiz Night. Well, Quiz Evening. Afternoon. The damn thing started at 4 pm! We ate dinner at 3:30. We felt like we were getting the Early Bird at the Denny's in Miami Beach. This is where I tell you we had to reserve a table in advance. There we were, eating things which might have been food, while the English ex-pat nursing home crowd started sauntering in. This did not portend great things to come. The hip, youngish (well, younger than 80) crowd we were hoping for were somewhere else. I mean, who goes to Quiz Afternoon?

  At the stroke of four the event got under way. Penny and I were the "kids from across the pond". I guess Kate was the grandchild. Sigh. The next ninety minutes were filled with questions about obscure Liverpudlian suburbs, TV shows no one outside of the UK has ever heard of and songs from 1983. We were particularly baffled by a quiz section where we had to identify pictures of various noteworthy Limeys. I think our answer sheet was filled with such witty retorts as "dental hygienist" (she had unusually good teeth, given she's English), "TV football guy" (in the picture he was holding a microphone) and "TV football guy's girlfriend" (the female beside him). Needless to say, it wasn't the strongest part of our evening's (afternoon's) work. Sigh.

  We did manage to accumulate a decent amount of points, with assistance from one of the waiters who kept dropping by and whispering answers into Penny's ear. In the end it didn't matter. We had a laugh, a couple of drinks and managed to leave before full dark. Our night of bar hopping was done and we were the better for it.

  The biggest take away from the evening (afternoon) was the impact the Brits have on local culture. This was not the only English-style eating/drinking establishment to be found in the area. In fact, it seems most places are catering to that crowd. Whatever contemporary Cypriot culture there is to be found in Paphos seems to have been subverted in favour of capturing retirement funds from old people escaping cold English winters. It's like the Florida of the Mediterranean. Now, back to things Cypriot. Like this:

  Yes, donkey milk or, possibly, ass milk.

  I don't want to think about this as it makes me a bit queasy. Kate suggested there was a biblical connection to bathing in donkey milk. Maybe it's a thing Aphrodite did. It seems everywhere we go there's an Aphrodite this or an Aphrodite that. I guess we haven't yet happened upon Aphrodite's Ass Milk Baths. There's time.

  Wednesday was set aside for an excursion to Nicosia. More specifically, the Turkish side of Nicosia. If you're not aware, Nicosia is the only partitioned city in the world and still has a UN peacekeeping contingent to ensure peace between the Greeks and Turks. Fortunately for intrepid explorers such as ourselves, the two parties maintain a border crossing downtown where you can walk across the Green Line and enter an entirely different country. And so we did.

  The blue and white awning is the actual crossing (UN colours of course) and it's a very simple and painless process. There are no blue helmets, no machine gun nests perched amid sandbags, etc. You exit Cyprus, cross the no man's land and enter the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus. Ta da! Look at us being such risk-takers.

  Once we crossed the border we had the first semi-authentic Cypriot experience since we landed on the island. No British ex-pats here. No Russian oligarchs buying seaside estates to launder their ill-gotten gains. We entered an ersatz marketplace filled with vendor stalls where we could buy innumerable cheap designer knockoffs. Now that's an authentic in-country experience.

  We wandered around and found ourselves in the Buyuk Han, an Ottoman era caravanserai, or marketplace.

  The lower level was largely occupied by seating areas for the restaurant that operated there with the upper level housing stalls for artists and craftspeople. Since we'd driven two hours to get to the TRNC it was time for a libation and a repast.

  Before we go any further I need to remind you of the country's french fry fetish. The food was suspect so I kept my order simple. Just a pita with meat. Easy right? The thing arrived stuffed with french fries. Damn. I choked it down and decided I was done with fries for the rest of the trip.

  After lunch we headed off for some cultural enlightenment. You've all heard the term whirling dervish, right? Turns out it's a thing or, more accurately, a person. These dervishes (dervi?) whirl, and they whirl so much I'd puke my guts out if I took this up as a way to earn a few bucks.

  There is a religious significance to this thing although I'm not sure the guy we saw was interpreting it according to his forefathers' ideals. I think it was more of a way to earn some bucks from tourists. It was interesting but not that interesting.

  With that experience safely locked away in our crowded memory banks we headed back to Paphos. But first, another Aphrodite thing. As you approach Paphos along the coast you come to Aphrodite's rock where, according to myth/legend she rose from the sea. or was born, or something. Anyway, we decided it was a good thing to add to our collection of all things Aphrodite.

  If you're thinking, which one is the rock, there's nothing there to identify it. In fact, there's a bunch of big rocks sitting in the water. Not one of them has "Aphrodite wuz here" scrawled on it in spray paint so it's hard to tell which is the one. We just figured she got out of the water and licked all of them to make them her own, like that Cards Against Humanity card everyone loves. Not the one that says, "I'm Batman". Different.

  Finally, it was off to dinner and, yes, another meal with french fries. Virtually every restaurant meal you can get here comes with french fries and a small bit of salad. Moussaka? Fries and salad. Souvlaki? Fries and salad. Squid? Fries and salad. Stifado? Fries and salad.

  When we finished we piled into the car for the climb up the hills to our Kallepian palace. That's when I noticed the gas gauge. Low. Three bars left. Wait. Two. For a Honda this thing gets shitty gas mileage. "No problem, there's a gas station ahead", I said confidently as I spied the lit up Total sign ahead. Closed. No idea why the sign was lit if they were closed. Knowing we wouldn't have enough gas to climb the rest of the way and get back down in the morning, we turned around and hoped Google could find us a station with a lit sign and operating pumps.

  Fortunately, all of Paphos is downhill until you get to the sea. Our two bars of gas became one and we passed a few more lit signs and closed pumps but eventually found someone willing to sell us some fuel. Of course, I couldn't fill the tank because the stupid machine only lets you buy 50 Euros worth. "Little car", the pump guy says, "Only need 30-40 Euros to fill". I guess he wasn't paying attention to the puff of dust than exited the filler tube when he removed the gas cap. Fumes. He pumped the 50 Euros worth and that gave us a half a tank but we had enough to climb the hill home, so it was all good.  

  Before we go further I need to remind you of the electrical situation here in Chateau Kallepia. Remember the shower thing? Turn off everything before you turn on the hot water in the shower? We did that. Kate still blew the main breaker. Twice. I'm sure it's not funny when you're standing in the shower and the lights go off and the water goes cold. Well, maybe just a little bit funny. We got to the point where we'd turn off every light in the house and hold our breath until she was done.

  Thursday was her last day so we headed out on another road trip to show her the west side of the island. We headed back up to the Baths of Aphrodite intent on driving up to the Blue Lagoon but the road resembled an outback track more suitable to a 4x4 than a Honda CRV so we turned around and headed back to the southwest coast in search of a shipwreck and a sunset. Along the way we found ourselves atop a small mountain and the view was sublime.

  Then it was downhill all the way until we hit the wreck of the Edro III. Apparently it was en route from Limassol to Rhodes with a load of drywall. Everyone knows drywall guys are shitty sailors. Sheesh.

  With that box checked we headed to a seaside bar for a drink and a chance to watch the sunset over the Med. We saw milkshakes on the menu and that seemed to hit a note for all of us. Bartender! Milkshakes all around! I ordered banana, Kate chocolate and Penny coffee. When they showed up Penny's looked, and tasted, like coffee, sort of. Kate and mine were identical. Wrong order. Two banana. Off to get a chocolate one. I guess it was ok. Mine, on the other hand, was milk-flavoured. No banana. I was thirsty so I drank  it. Anyway, there weren't any french fries in it. Besides. Sunset.

  For dinner we headed to a taverna popular with the Kallepia ex-pat crowd and the food was good but, wait for it, everything came with french fries and salad.

  With those experiences under her belt Kate jetted off back to Jordan this morning and we settled in for our final ten days in Cyprus. We're expecting a few more adventures in the coming days so check your inbox and your Facebook feed because you don't want to miss it! Cheers.

Cheap Gods

  It's been a week since my last missive but, before we get to our latest doings, let me apologize to you, my faithful readers, hanging on the edge of your respective seats awaiting the next chapter. I've been struggling with a rather nasty cold the past week and blogging has been the furthest thing from my mind. I mean, I could have regaled you with my adventures in sinus drainage but I felt like a clog blog wasn't what you were hoping for. Anyway, I'm feeling better today, thanks, and that means it's time to catch up so buckle up and hang on.

  Let's start with the title of this episode, "Cheap Gods". I'll bet that's going to be a shocking title on a Mount Olympus Google search. I can just hear Zeus thinking, "Cheap huh? I'll show him!", followed by a lightning bolt to the tiny car we'll be driving. That Zeus. He's such a joker.

  If you remember back to our Athens chapter and all the temples we visited you'll remember they were all constructed of marble, thus they're still largely intact. Cyprus has no marble, as I mentioned last time. It was originally of volcanic origin so the rock here is volcanic and sedimentary. If it wasn't for the dry climate the entire island would probably melt away.

  Ok, so geology class is over. What's the connection to gods, I hear you asking. Well, Cyprus, Paphos actually, is the birthplace of Aphrodite, another in the pantheon of Greek gods. Oh, and there's Adonis too. And a couple of others. In Greece you don't hear much about this gang but they're all over the place in Cyprus. No marble so temples are falling down, pillars, mostly Doric (Ha! We did learn something in Athens) lie in pieces. Most of the stuff is buried, not built atop hills looking down upon mortals. Cheap. It's like these guys weren't respected like the top guys in Greece. Kind of like it's the wrong side of the tracks here. I have visions of Aphrodite and Adonis with their tats and leather gang jackets hanging out by the beach doing crack.

  That aside, before I was laid low with the dreaded lurgy we managed a day's excursion to the northwest corner of the island, near Polis. If you know your Greek you'll know "polis" means "city". Think Metropolis. Like that, except without Superman who, if he were German would be Uberman, but not like the cab driver. Anyway, I digress.

  We were there to climb the Aphrodite Trail which ascends almost four hundred meters to the top of a hill overlooking the entire northwest corner of Cyprus. It's a four hour hike, according to AllTrails and, if we were twenty years younger I'm sure it would be. Unfortunately, we're not and it wasn't.

  We started at the Baths of Aphrodite which is as good a place to start a hike as any. The Baths are a waterfall which empties into a clear pond. Very enchanting and I'm sure it would be wonderful if we were there when it's 40 plus in July. Unfortunately, no swimming allowed. The trail snakes it's way up the hill through a lot of loose rock culminating at the ruin of Aphrodite's Temple. Now then, let's look at this critically. Let's say it's summer... and it's hot. I would think you'd want the cool baths at the top after an arduous climb to the temple. Am I right? That Aphrodite - bad planner.

  As I said, it was supposed to be a four hour hike and we embarked around 12:30. By 2:00 we'd only managed to climb halfway, covering only 2 km of the 8 km loop. With sunset at 5:30 we didn't want to be caught coming down the hill in the dark so we cut it short. We did get some beautiful views so it wasn't a waste. 

 These guys didn't seem to mind the climb...

  Monday was a beautiful day so I hauled my ass out of bed and we headed down for a cruise along the southwest coast road from Paphos to the Byzantine church of Agios Georgios (St. George).

  It's not a particularly noteworthy church but it is located at the end of the westernmost paved road in Cyprus. Yeah. It's what I do. Just before you get to the end of the road as you wind your way down a hill to the sea you're presented with the small island of Yeronissos:

  Along the way we stopped at the Tombs of The Kings. Spoiler alert. There are no kings there. It was more like Tombs of The Important Guys. Lots of tombs over a large tract of oceanfront real estate. It felt a bit like an ancient developer had purchased the land and put up a big "Tombs For Sale. Oceanfront Views." sign. No money down. Free A/C. Of course, like any developer worth his salt he needed a catchy name for the place. It's like when you check out the latest development called, "Forest Heights". There's no forest and there's no heights. Just houses. Same thing. No one's gonna buy a tomb in a place called "Tombs of The Somewhat Noteworthy Guys".

  As I was saying, there's lots of tombs there so there must have been lots of important guys in Paphos twenty-five hundred years ago. It's a fascinating place to take a stroll with so many examples of early Hellenistic architecture that have been excavated.

  There's no indication of who or what was interred in the tombs as, by the time it was fully explored in the 19th and 20th centuries, worldly goods had been stolen and bodies, which were not mummified, had completely decomposed. The only evidence were some bits of amphorae with manufacturers' stamps that allowed archaeologists to date the site. I think all they had to do to date the site was look for the Lego:

  Even I can tell it's from the same time period as the stuff we saw in Athens!

  That was the extent of our explorations this week, due to my aforementioned sickness. It also meant we didn't go out for groceries because, if I'm not driving we're not going anywhere. This isn't a knock on Penny. We live in the middle of a village with narrow streets where you have to drive on the left.

  Driving on the left is enough of a challenge if you haven't done much of it but doing that in a place where a six inch miscalculation can cost you a new fender is asking a bit much. Besides, it's not our car.

  We ended up spending much of the week huddled in front of the heater and staring at screens. Now, we've both staked out spots in the "snug", as the homeowners call it, and it's quite warm and cozy when it's cold outside. However, the cats are also fond of our spots and all it takes is for one of us to get up for five minutes and either Lucy or Max takes over. Here's Lucy expressing her displeasure with Penny, who wanted her seat back (turn your volume up for this):

  Lucy also doesn't want to be brushed. Just for the record.

  Tomorrow, our friend Kate arrives for a week's visit. Now that I'm mobile once again I expect we'll have lots of adventures as we continue our Cypriot Odyssey. Until next time, Opa! (throw plates)

Intro to Cyprus

   We've been here a few days and settled into a routine so it's time to bring you all up to date on our Cyprus adventure. First, I should introduce you to our two charges. 

  Max is 13 and an active and friendly sort. This is good for him as, if I were him, I'd spend my days having confused existential musings. You see, Max isn't a "he". He started out that way but, and this is unclear to me as I'm not a vet, he had an operation to fix some kind of bladder issue and they decided it was best if "he" became a "she". Don't ask. I'm not about to start checking his anatomy to determine what exactly changed. Anyway, he seems happy enough, as if anyone can ever tell if cats are happy or just f-ing pissed.

  Lucy, a 15 year-old ginger, has one eye and no thyroid as it was removed in an operation. As I have a non-operational thyroid I feel like we have something in common. I think that's where it ends though. She sleeps virtually all the time and has to be forced to go outside unless it's sunny and warm. Otherwise she's pleasant enough as long as you stay on her good side as she has a tendency to hiss at you if you've stepped out of line.

  Now, we were told both are "outdoor" cats so a litter box wasn't necessary. Unless. Unless Lucy doesn't want to go out because the weather isn't to her liking. Max goes out all the time, sometimes only coming inside for 30-40 seconds before deciding that was the wrong choice. He's not the problem, although I wonder if the operation also changed him into a dog. Since we're concerned Lucy might need to "go" but won't go outside we've gotten into the habit of filling the litter box when we go out or when it's bedtime. Great solution, right? Wrong. When the litter box is available Max comes inside to use it. Now, instead of not worrying about a litter box there are two cats using it all the time. We'll figure this out. Eventually.

  Now, I should introduce you to our humble abode. Last time I went on about the things that were wrong with it. It's cold. The power supply is inadequate. There's a rooster next door that won't shut up. If you know me then you also know my first couple of days in a new place bring out my negative side. Wait. There's a positive side? Those of you who know me can stop right now.

  The house is typical Cypriot. It's made largely of stone with wood supporting a tile roof. There's not a lot of trees in this part of the country but lots of stone. And, given that the climate is hot and dry for much of the year stone is cool. Not a bonus for us right now but for March to November, yes.

  Much of our backyard resembles a construction site as there's been a series of renovations to the house since the owners acquired it three years ago. Once you get away from the house here's what the rest of the property looks like:

  You'll notice the orange tree on the left. They're navel oranges and they're everywhere around the village as they ripen between December and March. Penny and I took a walking tour around here the other day. Virtually every house had either orange/lemon or olive trees, or both. Re olives, we learned that, although olives are ready for harvest in January (just missed it) they're not really edible right off the tree. This was news to us although maybe not news to you of Mediterranean extract. They have to be soaked in brine for at least a week before they're considered edible. There. You learned something today.

  Kallepia is a small village with only 380 inhabitants. The roads are narrow with houses crowding right up to the pavement so driving can be an adventure, especially when someone has decided to park on one of the smaller lanes. There are a couple of tavernas but not much else here. We have shops within a ten minute drive that provide us with everything we need.

  For those of you living in Toronto or other major cities, you might be interested in the cost of real estate around here. We were in Paphos yesterday to take in some of the sights and, since rumor has it there's lots of Russians laundering funds here, there's a lot or real estate agents flogging property.

  Homes near the water run from the low 100's (Euros... exchange rate is 1 Euro - $1.45 CAD) for a one bedroom flat in a complex with a pool up to the low millions, depending on size and proximity to the main tourist areas. Here in Kallepia, a house like this one runs around 50K Euros. That explains the huge British ex-pat population. That, and the fact most people speak English.

  Ex-pats and tourism are the largest factors in the local economy. Cyprus markets itself as a business service centre catering to financial institutions, consultants, etc. and attributes about 85% of the economy to the service sector. All restaurants cater to English tastes, running from full English breakfasts to fish and chips with Guinness. The local dishes are in abundance but it's a bit weird to see them competing for menu space with British fare.

  As I mentioned, we went into Paphos yesterday for a stroll around the waterfront. It's quite scenic with small fishing boats in the harbour surrounded by buildings from the 15th century and ancient Greek ruins currently under archaeological exploration.

  We came upon the Paphos Castle first and went inside to have a look.

  Our five Euros was happily taken by the admissions guy and we proceeded to wander around the building for almost twenty minutes. Not very long, you say. Well, aside from a description of a couple of paragraphs at the entry there were no signs anywhere explaining what we were looking at and there wasn't much to see. There were a couple of rooms on the main floor used as jail cells and, later, British salt stores, and stairs leading up to the roof for a nice view. It seems like the few people that wander into this site generate only enough revenue to pay for the guy that collects it. Like Greece, I guess this is how you keep people employed.

  After that we strolled along the waterfront trail and looped around the archaeological site back to where we started. These guys didn't seem to mind us walking through their grazing area:

  As we ambled back to the main drag we noticed a few buildings that incorporated old architecture, like this hotel:

We also stumbled upon some ruins below the modern street, much like we encountered in Athens:

  If you were paying attention in the previous episode you'll remember everything we saw in Athens from this time period was constructed from marble. There's no marble in Cyprus as it's a volcanic island. The castle we visited earlier was built from volcanic rock which is very porous and erodes easily. These ruins were earlier but also volcanic in origin. Because of the dry climate things don't disintegrate like they would elsewhere.

  Finally, we ventured down into a grotto containing tombs built in the 13th century. The flash on Penny's camera revealed a mural on one of the walls:

This is the "wishing tree", which is where you tie a piece of cloth containing a description of your prayer. It's special to Cypriots and thus the efforts, as you can see, to maintain it even though it threatens the foundation walls of the grotto.

  That brings us up to today. The weather has improved over the past couple of days and we're figuring to do some hiking in the mountains near the coast. The forecast is calling for rainy days next week so we're hoping to squeeze in some of the outdoorsy stuff before we're forced back inside to huddle around the heaters and fireplace.

Adventures in Housesitting

  A rooster that won't shut up. Don't take a hot shower unless you turn off everything in the house that consumes more electricity than a light bulb first. It's not very warm outside... or inside. These experiences greeted us this morning upon awakening in Cyprus. But, I've skipped Athens so let me take you back there first.

  We arrived in Greece Wednesday evening during the coldest few days of the winter. Not cold as in Canada-cold but Athens-cold, about 5C. The hotel's driver picked us up from the airport and proceeded to quiz us on the cost of living in Toronto. He's had enough of Athens and is preparing to bolt for Germany. According to him and my quick Euro to Canadian dollar conversions, typical Athenians earn less than $20K CAD annually. Given gas prices are the equivalent of $2.75 CAD per liter and their grocery prices can be as high as ours, even mitigating costs with rents a third of what we experience it appears it's very tough for most people to manage in the city.

  Thursday was our first day sightseeing and we were within a short walk of everything we needed. Our first stop was the Temple of Olympian Zeus. We turned around to take in our surroundings and were greeted with this:

As you enter the park you're confronted by Hadrian's Gate. Sure. Hadrian. Elephants. Oh, by the way, Hadrian was here. Like that.

  Ok, now you're warmed up so on to the big stuff. As impressive as it is with its many massive columns Zeus' temple would have been more so had it not been completely clad in scaffolding.

... this pillar fell during an earthquake 150 years ago...

We did get a good view of the restoration works so it was educational...

  We also had a discussion about which type of columns were used. Ionic? Doric? Corinthian? We've been married over forty years and this is a conversation we've never had. Greece.

  While we walked through the neighbourhood we were struck by how commonplace the  antiquities were. A statue of Alexander The Great:

A portion of sidewalk surrounding a hole where ruins were exposed during the subway construction:

A thousand year-old Byzantine church on a street corner:

A two thousand year old church devoted to pagan offerings sits surrounded by the modern hotel that bestrides it:

  We compared history here to "history" in North America where we struggle to maintain hundred year-old structures. Of course, we have ancient civilizations in N.A. but they constructed in wood and sand. Everything here is marble. Stone vs wood. Stone wins.

  Our next stop was the Ancient Agora, a thirty acre archeological site containing the Temple of Hephaestus

...the restored Stoa of Attalos and a veritable plethora of ruins and artifacts related to the first known democratic institutions. That is, until Athens was defeated by the Spartans... and the Romans... and the Persians... and the Byzantines... and the Hulians... and the Ottomans... someone was always defeating them. Democracy wasn't welcomed by any of the conquerors but, when Athens did manage to crawl out from underneath some king's or emperor's thumb they returned to it again and again.

  By the way, we discovered something interesting underlying most of the structures we encountered:

See it? Yep. Lego. It's a little known fact that much of ancient Greece was constructed with Lego. Also, Allen keys. Now you can say you learned something today. You're welcome.

  Also, you all know that joke about why the Earth cannot possibly be flat because cats would push everything off the edge?

Here you see an example of cats preparing to push this unassuming tourist off the edge. You've been warned.

  Friday, our last day, was filled with all things Acropolis. We climbed the hill on a cool, bright, sunny day devoid of the hordes of tourists that plague the site in summertime. The Odeon of Herodes Atticus:

the Propylaea

the Erechtheion

and the other temples all came as advertised. They were beautifully restored (or in the process of being so) and impressive in both engineering and appearance. We found out that the vision of the Parthenon we all have imprinted upon us with it's open colonnade of pillars

is not how it was originally constructed. There was another set of pillars inside that held walls, windows and doorways as well as helping support the roof. With that vision it all made more sense, I mean, I always wondered why the Greeks built all these open temples without walls. Shows you what I know about ancient history!

  As we toured the various temples and ruins we heard about the various incarnations of the goddess Athena. She is credited with being the goddess or patron of virtually all facets of life and warfare in Athens. Athena, goddess of souvlaki. Like that. One you don't hear is Athena, patron of real estate. What a view from atop the Acropolis:

  Our day was topped off by a visit to the new Acropolis Museum, which is built atop the ruins of a Bronze Age manor estate. We were able to wander around the ruins but what impressed me more was how they managed to erect this modern building above without destroying the site below.

  The fact that I was more impressed with the new construction than the old shows you how inured to "antiquities" Penny and I had become after two full days of looking at bits of marble. Pillars... Ionic, Doric or Corinthian? Pediments, friezes, statuary... it's all a bit overwhelming. Not to mention the last time I heard the word "Corinthian" it was being associated with the leather upholstery in a Chrysler Cordoba.

  As it had warmed up a bit by Friday we decided to wander the streets of Plaka once night fell, in search of dinner after eating takeout in our room Thursday. It's a rather spectacular scene with the narrow alleys lit up with all the shops full of essentials like fridge magnets, plastic Parthenons (Parthena?) and t-shirts screaming "Kiss Me I'm Greek". Of course, looking up above the rooftops at the Parthenon bathed in light fixes all that.

Dinner helped too.

  Saturday morning saw us jet off to Larnaca, Cyprus followed by a two hour drive in a rental car to Kallepia, our new home for the next month. We're a twenty minute drive to Paphos, a major town on the Mediterranean south coast. We're in charge of two cats this time so we have lots of freedom to explore Cyprus without worrying about walking and feeding dogs. The cats are very laid back and are happy to be fed in the morning before we leave and at night when we return.

  The owners are letting us use their car and have urged us to see as much of the country as we want, a wonderful offer and the reason for us coming here. Overseas house sits can be a problem for us due to a lack of transport as many of them are in rural areas or small towns without train service. When this listing came up we jumped at the opportunity and plan to take full advantage of it.

  After fetching us at the Paphos airport car rental return Penny (yes, another one) and George spent the rest of the afternoon showing us around their house and explaining all the peculiarities of life in Cyprus. As retired ex-pat Brits they clearly understand what works here and how to get around the things that don't. They also graciously invited us along to have dinner with all their retired ex-pat friends at a local taverna, a fun evening filled with good food and stimulating conversation.

  It's an interesting group. A few were teachers, one an ex-foreign service diplomat and wannabe Labour Party MP along with an 86 year-old retired colonel who served on the British Army General Staff and now writes books about British military history and his wife who is a Romany Gypsy accountant qualified as a competitive sharpshooter. Penny, our host, keeps herself busy by directing Shakespeare productions at the local community theatre and sometimes acting in them. Since we were the new kids they made a great effort to make us feel at home and I expect we'll see many of them on a semi-regular basis while we're here.

  With the homeowners winging their way to Ireland right now we've also been invited out tonight by some of last night's group for another meal at another taverna. We've been here less than twenty-four hours and our social calendar is already filling up.

  Now, back to this morning's eye-openers. First, last night's temp was around 5C which, in an unheated house, is a bit cool. We have a small electric heater that runs on a timer for a couple of hours before bed and again when you wake up. It helps... a bit. The rest of the house has a fireplace which we'll make good use of as well as a couple of gas heaters so we don't turn to ice. It's not luxurious but it's comfortable and mostly warm.

  I'm sure some of you are asking why the electric heaters aren't on all the time in the winter. The answer, my friends, is the high cost of electricity in Cyprus. Penny was telling us about the electricity bill that a previous housesitter rang up using the A/C last summer when it was in the high 40's. When they got the bill it was over 600 Euros ($900 CAD)! Everything runs on electricity or small propane tanks. There's no natural gas supply so those are the only choices... along with the wood fire. It's not bad. It's different.

  That brings me to the hot water supply. There is a tank on the roof which catches rainwater and is heated by the sun. There's a small immersion heater for cloudy days. That water supplies the kitchen sink and dishwasher. For showers there's not enough so each of the two showers has an on-demand water heater. Sounds like a great solution, right? Sort of. This house only has a 50 amp main service, compared to Canadian homes, most of which are supplied with at least 100. The water heater uses 40 amps by itself. Heaters use a lot. So does the kettle. And the oven. And the washer. And the dryer. You get the picture. Penny (the other one) turned on the shower this morning without thinking that our heater was running. The other Penny (mine) turned on the kettle to boil water for coffee and poof! The entire house went dark. This should be interesting.

  Finally, the rooster. We have neighbours that grow vegetables much like Penny and George but there's also a neighbour that keeps chickens. That means, occasionally, we'll be offered fresh eggs. Bonus. I guess that's payment for listening to the damn rooster crowing incessantly from sunrise until now, as I write this at 2:30 pm. Welcome to Cyprus!